Thursday, 14 February 2013

TOP 5 VALENTINE'S DAY TIPS OF ALL TIME!

Hoardax's Online Dating Profile 

NAME: Harold H. Hoardax
OCCUPATION: Overlord/Part-time eBay seller
AGE: You don't wanna know.
SEX: See Above.
LOCATION: Hoard World.
LOOKING FOR: Love in all the wrong places. 

LIKES
Hoarding
Plastic Things
Hoarding Plastic Things

DISLIKES
My brother Hordak
Going outside
Dust.



Valentine's Day. 

Love it or hate it - you can't escape it. 

Sadly, even Hoard World isn't safe.

And as it turns out there's a whole 'nother side to Hoard World that you ain't seen before.

I may not be able to write a dating profile to save my plastic behind but I know what love is.

I present to you now:

HOARDAX'S BEST EVER VALENTINE'S DAY ADVICE.





1. Give your loved one delicious things in heart-shaped boxes.
If they don't like them, you can eat them all by yourself later.
If they do like them? You're awesome.
Win/Win.

Chocolates in a Half Shell........
ROMANCE POWER!

2. Stay the hell away from The Juggernaut on February 14th.
He really gets into it.
Like, really gets into it.
It's sickening. I don't know what to do about it.
Who's gonna tell him? You?

Some people just love Love.
Hey! I'm not judging. BECAUSE IT'S THE JUGGERNAUT.
He can pretty much do whatever he wants.

3. Give somebody a bunch of flowers.
I don't know how all that started but you have to do it anyway.
They can be plastic, about to die or freshly pulled out of a stranger's garden. It doesn't matter where you get them from or what they're made out of, just do it.

I've heard of Speed Dating but this is ridiculous!

Bonus Dating Tip:
Try to be punctual but don't over do it.
The Flash is so punctual he turns up before he's even arrived.
And that's just weird, man.

4. Go eat some place nice.
It's hard to mess that up.

However, things can still go awry if the following occurs:

Your waiter turns out to be your ARCH NEMESIS.

 Your Blind Date turns out to be somebody you're related to. Awkward. So, so awkward.

You're one of these two chuckle-heads.

5. Feel free to call the whole thing off whenever you like.
They say if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
I say, if you can't beat 'em, beat 'em.
Simply announce, "Valentine's Day is cancelled!" and go about your day.
Spend Valentine's Day completely alone and eating ice-cream treats if you want.

There's no reason to sit at home feeling sorry for yourself and eating dessert for dinner!
Unless of course that reason is
"THAT'S DELICIOUS!"

Finally, if none of the above are really working for you, just celebrate PAL-entine's Day instead.

Trap Jaw and Sabretooth did just that and it worked out peachy.

"I only have three real questions for ya Trap Jaw.
Did you decorate this place yourself?
Can you pass me some popcorn?"
And haven't we both already seen Magic Mike?"

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!

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